Some things can’t be put into words. Like a child’s need for their mother. It’s not just about being fed. It’s not about being taken care of, but being seen. Not just hugged, but understood. Not just having someone nearby, but knowing someone is truly there.
I’ve seen what a child feels in the absence of a mother. Sometimes in myself, sometimes in others. That emptiness… silent, but echoing deeply. It doesn’t leave, no matter how much laughter fills the air. It doesn’t quiet down, no matter how “successful” life seems. Because the void isn’t really about the mother’s physical absence—It’s about the lack of an emotional imprint.
Attachment: Where Did We First Take Root?
A child’s very first bond in this world is with their mother. If that connection feels safe, the world feels safe. But when that bond is broken or weak… love becomes suspicious territory.
Some children hug their mothers and still feel a wall between them. Some never get to hug them at all. Some never see their reflection in their mother’s eyes. Like they’re there, but somehow… not really.
This kind of disconnection can quietly follow someone their whole life. You grow up carrying your younger self inside you. That little version of you who just wants to be loved, shows up over and over again in your adult relationships.
The Mother Void: A Quiet Longing
If a child believes their mother didn’t love them, they often grow up believing they’re unlovable. Their sense of self-worth is constantly on trial. No matter how much they achieve, there’s a voice inside asking, “Am I enough?”
And this emptiness… Sometimes it shows up in loud relationships, sometimes in silent cravings and sometimes in ways no one else even sees.
Can Someone Else Fill That Void?
Yes.
But it takes time, patience, and a truly open heart. It could be a grandmother, a stepmother, a neighbor, a teacher…
If they manage to reach a child’s heart that emptiness begins to fill—not with love alone, but with trust. And one day, that child feels something shift: “Maybe I am worth loving.”, “Not every lack is forever.”, “Bonding with someone feels like being born all over again.”.
I’ve met children like that. Ones who never knew their mother but saw themselves in another woman’s eyes. Hearts once broken, slowly learning to mend.
And honestly, It makes me deeply sad to know there are children who have never met their mothers or who lost them far too soon. That kind of grief runs quiet but deep. But I’ve also seen how something new can slowly grow in that space. Healing is never instant, but it is possible. And sometimes, the most beautiful connections are the ones that come after the storm.
Mother and Child: Reflections of Each Other
A mother is a child’s first mirror. And a child walks through the world as her shadow. If a mother is kind to herself, the child learns kindness too. If a mother can’t hold love, the child questions if they’re even worthy of it. You can often see the mother’s love, or the absence of it, in the spark (or the fog) behind a child’s eyes. And over time, that child might grow up and discover the mothering voice within themselves.
Learned Behaviors, Learned Love
Love is a language. And children learn it by watching how their mothers speak it. If love is given with withdrawal, anger, or fear- children confuse love with anxiety. And they go searching for that feeling everywhere. Sometimes in the wrong places. Sometimes in ways that hurt them. But at some point… We can unlearn what we’ve been taught. And we can relearn love, this time consciously. This time with compassion—for ourselves.
There’s a Mother in Every Heart
Being a mother isn’t just about giving birth. Some women never give birth—but love like mothers. Some children aren’t born to their mothers—but carry them in their hearts. And sometimes… We learn how to mother ourselves. We reach for the most fragile parts inside and whisper: “I’m here.”
We live with what’s missing. But we don’t have to stay incomplete even if the wounds remain, the child carrying that emptiness… grows. And one day, learns how to be reborn.